Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
