doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I supernannyed him into submission
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
