I could have mohawked her pubes.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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