I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
