I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
