I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
