Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You pole danced in your parka.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
