I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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