my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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