fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
and she was petting her beer can
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
