Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
