I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
