You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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