PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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