she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
