i can't believe i had my finger in that
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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