your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
