I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
