And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
