the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
