I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Thank you for not boning my boss.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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