he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
