Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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