I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
