There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
