So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
