dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
