Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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