I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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