He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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