Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Who died my cat blue again?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
