She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
