my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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