Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
