Kiss
Puke
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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