Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
