Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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