Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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