I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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