My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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