I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
