i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
