She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
