We're facebook friends in real life
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
