I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
