He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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