Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
