They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
