i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
