i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
