i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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