That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
