Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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