You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
