I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
