...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
